Give at least 5 mins after someone joins to begin talking to them. This gives ample time to pair their bluetooth headset, or properly chew a large CBD gummy.

Test out custom backgrounds before the call. The sight of your futon and piles of clothes cannot be un-seen.

No one has figured out a non-awkward way to end a call. Just hang up when it feels right.

It’s polite to turn your video on if one of more people in the call have enabled theirs.

If your manager asks you to turn your video off, you’re getting fired. (They don’t want to see you cry.)

Always assume the call is being recorded. Trust no one.

The first 20 mins of each call are reserved for chatting about the weather and idle bullshit. Arrive late because your’e so above all that.

We’ve confirmed that Zoom, does in fact, have a mute button, Kevin.

In 2021, physical meetings will be reffered to as ‘in-person zooms.’ Start using that term now.

When in doubt, just stay on mute and hold your sarcastic comments to yourself (and your cat.)